No, really. I do.
Any win is only momentary. Every loss is horrendously painful. I truly hate football. And yet I cannot look away.
I'm an educated man. I'm generally rational in my day-to-day life. At least I think I am. So why does every single Ravens game have such a profound effect on my mood? Why does it dictate so many of my actions for the rest of the day, into the start of the work week?
Already I'm thinking I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I don't want to go to work because my boss is a Steelers fan, but he's a good guy who won't kick a man when he's down. I almost wish he'd just kick me so I don't feel like he's tiptoeing around what happened today. Balmer lost, and looked disinterested and awful in doing so.
I don't want to go to work because a fellow I work with is a huge Ravens fan. He and I wear our purple jerseys on casual Friday. We talk football all week long.
But when I walk into the office Monday morning after a loss, I don't want to talk about the game. I just don't. He's picked up on this, and it's usually 11 o'clock before I get the obligatory "Alex ... what the hell happened this weekend?"
We commiserate and try to move on. But neither of us feel any better after we talk. After our discussion, the offense still couldn't get going against Marvin Lewis' Bengal defense. That bleeping kicker still couldn't make the big kick in a pressure situation. The defense still couldn't generate any kind of a pass rush in the first half to help protect a secondary that is physically overmatched week in and week out.
The losses hurt, and they stick with me. But the pleasure of a win is short-lived. By Monday morning last week, I was already worrying about Balmer playing in Cincinnati. I was already moving on to the next game and fearing the worst.
In that way, winning games actually makes things worse sometimes. When the team plays well and wins, expectations rise for the following week. Reel of a few victories in a row and expectations for the season are increased. When those expectations rise, a loss hurts that much more.
No one cries over one extra tally in the "L" column in the 16th game of a 5-10 season, right?. After all, at that point, what's 5-11 versus 6-10?
Of course if you're a true fan, there is a difference. You want 6-10. You get upset when you can't get that win in week 17. There's no reprieve for us, for Baltimorons. Tell your friends, see what they say, see how strong that loyalty is.
Chances are, if they love the Ravens as much as I do, they'll hate them even more.
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