Dear John,

Sorry The Baltimorons took some extra time off for the Bye Week John.  I swear we did a podcast last week but we just haven’t had the time to edit out all the drunken cursing (Author’s Pledge: We’re going to try to tone it down).  I just got a new job and Alex is trying to adjust to all the new changes in his body as he approaches womanhood.  Mazeltov to both of us.

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. That was an entire six pack of good old fashioned, Baltimore-brewed Whoop Ass your Ravens poured all over the previously unbeaten Denver Broncos last Sunday.  It was crisp.  It was refreshing.  It made me hoppy all over.

Stupid beer jokes aside John; it was a great win over a quality team.  Plus, we get the added national coverage of being the team that finally allows pundits to disrespect the Denver Broncos, something the talking heads have been trying to do since Week One. 

All three phases of your game plan came together perfectly not only to get the win, but also to finally overcome the terrible officiating we have been privileged to all year. That’s right, we can talk openly about it now that we got the “W”!  The refs have been absolutely dreadful this year all around the league (Author’s Note: They’re probably just jealous of all the press the NBA refs have gotten).  If we pointed out that obvious fact before, we looked like sore losers.  Now we look like we have the integrity of the game at heart. Funny how a single tally-mark in the win column has a way of changing everything.

But some things don’t change John Boy, it’s important that we don’t forget that.  Our secondary is still awful.  While our speed and tenacity may have been enough to counteract the killer short game of Kyle Orton and the rest of Western Division of Hoodie Inc., we’ve got some quarterbacks coming up who aren’t afraid to pull the driver out of the bag.  I know Frank Walker is terrible but benching him leaves us with only four corners.  What if one of them tears a bicep while yanking a wide receiver away from a ball downfield (Author’s Note: Cause you know it’ll never be the other way around)?

That being said, no quarterback is going to be looking to hang in the pocket if your defense brings the pressure the way it did this past week.  That first play from Jarret Johnson was an all-time classic in my book.  Not only to hit the quarterback on the first busted-to-all-hell play from scrimmage, but to have it be the guy who wouldn’t slow up if the QB behind center was his grandfather holding his mother holding his child holding a high impact explosive… BOOM BABY (Author’s Note: Not the real baby, the metaphorical baby).

Speaking of tiny explosives, Ray Rice had yet another great game AND you began to let Alex’s boy LaRon McClain drop the hammer and pick up some yards.  I’m secretly hoping that the plan is to save his legs for late in the season when opposing defenses have started to get beat up and injured. It would be, as the expression goes, like a 6’2” 230 pound fullback in a china shop. 

The only problem is, any game plan that takes away touches from Number 27 is just crazy at this point.  We have strayed away from our total running back by committee mentality for the same reason teams like the Colts and the Patriots don’t use the wildcat: if you have somebody incredible at the position already, why would you take the ball out of their hands?  Also the Colts and the Patriots don’t have running backs so much as backwards throw receivers, so it probably wouldn’t be as effective.

See, now I’m just debating the merits of a secret plan that I made up out of nowhere; that’s just proof that Sunday’s performance was an all-around success. I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about special teams.  Make sure you send my thanks to Lardarius Webb; he saved me from having to come up with new ways to say Chris Carr sucks.  What?  Inexplicably you still have Carr returning punts despite the fact that you have Webb, Zibikowsky, and Reed waiting in the wings?  Damnit Jon!  Let’s see…  Chris Carr sucks so bad his empty Capri-Suns become Capri-Black-Holes when he goes for the last drop because his sucking is so powerful that not even light can escape.

Any aspect where we can continue to improve, we have to.  I know that’s the message you are telling your Mighty Men every time they hit the practice field.  We finally figured out that a balanced attack means we can control the time of possession.  Denver is a ball control offense and we had them by the time of possession so hard they’ll be singing soprano all the way back to Mile High.

This is where the schedule gets really interesting John.  Carson Palmer, Payton Manning, Jay Cutler, Big Jackass (twice); our secondary is going to be tested.  Keep the pressure coming sir; they’re going to get big plays no matter what. Every time a quarterback completes a throw for over twenty yards I want our pass rush to knock twenty seconds off his overall life span.  Hit those pretty boys so hard Malcolm Gladwell has to write a whole book about how the sides of their skulls are playing a deadlocked game of Pong with every hit. 

It’s not barbaric Jonny; it’s Baltimore.  Glad to have our Ravens back.