After seeing the Orioles safely to two wins over their divisional rivals the New York Yankees and on pace for a 162 win season, I now feel as though I can safely exhale and share some of my thoughts concerning Opening Day 2009. Keep in mind I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth like our good friend Alex, so I was at not at Opening Day per say, but I was, at the very least, born with a bronze spork and therefore able to opt out of Evaluative Research class in order to celebrate the season the way it was meant to be celebrated: among the people, from pre-gaming festivites outside The Yard to the final pitch at the ex-Wharf Rat (now the Pratt Street Ale House).
And oh what a smattering of unique and interesting people it was… As my friend Ashley eloquently put it: “Why in the hell isn’t anybody at work on a Monday afternoon?” There were so many drunken baseball fans crammed into the section Washington Street in front of Camden Yards that it looked like a college kegger if the hosting frat’s Greek-letters had been swapped for a giant personified pickle.
The street was completely carpeted with crushed cans and shattered bottles to the point where my sandal-wearing friend Holly would have reenacted the light bulb scene from Die Hard had it not been for the plethora of discarded orange beer cozies serving as stepping stones across the beer-killing fields.
There were even a large number of moderately attractive women made downright enticing through a healthy combination of spring apparel and the ongoing 2 for $5 beer special. Hell, I even saw one of them flash the crowd from the second story window of Ginos, one of the sketchiest establishments I’ve ever walked in to! Call it uncouth if you must, but it was downright classy for a Baltimore girl, at least she got paid in free beer.
I had never seen anything like this before (Author’s Note: For once I’m not referring to breasts); people actually cared! Not only had they come out for a baseball game, they had come out in force and they had come out in any number of giveaway night t-shirt jerseys from last season! Don’t you see? They were intentionally supporting the Baltimore Orioles!
What’s even more incredible is that there was real baseball discussion going on despite the fact that some people’s blood alcohol content was higher than Felix Pie’s batting average. It was amazing to be a part of that atmosphere in general; to have it be in our city was phenomenal. I’ll tell you what dear reader(s), between the sheer mass of people and the emptied, shattered domestic beers lying underfoot; I either caught baseball fever or any number of blood-borne pathogens, either way I notice a slight tingle during urination!
And all this at a Yanks game! I’m used to being outnumbered in our own stadium by those jerks and having to consciously refrain from running them over as they wander the streets of Baltimore on game days looking for the Babe Ruth Museum. Please note I am still an Orioles fan even if I don’t run them down GTA IV style, always remember: they are people too (Author’s Note: Their people status is through the eyes of the law, not the Law [Author’s Clarification: God hates Yankees fans]).
I will say this about people showing up in their late-‘90s-purchased Yankees gear: at least it saves you the trouble of wondering whether or not they’re assholes. That NY logo plastered on one’s breast pocket is like having a “Hello, My Name Is Douche Bag” sticker permanently affixed to your chest, except people are generally more empathetic to the plight of a douche bag. They are the type of self-important jerk-offs who look at our trash and trashed people infested Washington Street and say, “Needs more rats and piss if you wanna make it like the City (Author’s Note: Yankees fans can capitalize otherwise improper nouns with the intensity of their slightly vacant, slightly crazed stares).
But enough of that, this isn’t a post to bash the hell out of the Yankees, Adam Jones already took care of that (Author’s Note: Zing!), it’s a post to praise the potential for baseball returning to Baltimore. If only for Opening Day, the atmosphere in pockets of activity around Camden Yards reached the mythical status that we here at www.thebaltimorons.com (tell your friends) remember from our trip to Wrigley Field during the playoffs. It was, as Jim Hunter succinctly put it, electric.
I know such a simplistic, non-alliterative description doesn’t express my usual level of excitement, but I don’t kid myself by forgetting there is work to be done before we reach the level of sustained enthusiasm befitting the fan-base of the Baltimore Orioles. Note I didn’t say it couldn’t happen in the next few years, I just said it will take some work, and I for one have my sleeves rolled ALL THE WAY UP, MOTHER F@$%ers (Author's Note: Deliver the capitalized words a la Al Pacino)! I understand it might be a pipe dream while under the reign of Peter Angelos, but damnit I have a dream!
I have a dream that one day this Orioles Nation will rise up and live out the true potential of a great baseball city. I have a dream today! I have a dream that one day every Oriole will be exalted, and every Yankee and Red Sock shall be made low. This is our hope and the faith that I go back to the my apartment with; but for now, I would settle for not being the lone fan in the Pratt Street Ale House to give a standing ovation at the last out…
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