5:51
Alex would like everyone to know that the bathroom lines are of a reasonable length for a game of this magnitude. I'm hoping all the gentlemen brought either a coke can or a rubber band to make sure the second half passes much easier than the eventual burning urination does after the fourth quarter ends. P.S., that comment comes straight from my grandfather's colloquialisms I heard growing up.
5:53
Would any team really want to play the Ravens or the Steelers in the playoffs? I mean seriously, these are really hard hitting that subscribe to the bend, don't break philosophy the way it was meant to be subscribed to. I just fell for an end-around fake put on by the Steelers, luckily Ed Reed did not and he tackles Nate Washington for only six yards.
5:55
Every time Simms comments on the movement of the Ravens defensive front, it makes my D move just a little bit.
6:00
Flacco goes down and goes right into a catatonic state lying on the ground. Could just be a trick of the slow-motion replay but it really look like he just pulled a role-y, pole-y bug and went stiff as a board. You thought I was going to go somewhere dirty with the "stiff as a..." comment. Back up off, you don't know me.
6:02
Hey, that's Lt. Daniels from The Wire driving a Cadillac in the commercial. Good on you sir, it's a good sign for the city of Baltimore when good police can afford a brand new Caddy. That's what we call a decent omen...
6:05
We were just treated to a clip of Haloti Ngata playing rugby as a junior in high school. Good Lord, that's a big boy... Here's a question: I watch a lot of Ravens games and I have yet (at least to my recollection) heard an announcer use the: "Willie Parker up the middle... and he got Ngata". What's the deal? Should we be asking Chris Berman to break the seal on that little gem? If Phil Simms gets to say, "they don't call it defense around here, they call it REED-fense" and illicit a lady-like giggle from Nantz, why can't they go all punny for Ngata? Also, if they keep annunciating the "t" in his name so clearly I'm going to run down there and punch him in the Jimmy Cone.
6:08
EDDDDDD REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDD!!!
6:11
If there was a drinking game for Ravens football where you had to take a shot every time someone said the phrase, "unbalanced line", people would be dead. Knowing the type of people who read www.thebaltimorons.com (tell your friends), there will be such a game played when Baltimore travels to Dallas. God help us all.
6:13
Another great special teams play downing the Steelers at about the 1 yard line. This keeps in line with what the graphic said at halftime, special teams play is being a big factor in this game.
6:16
EDDDDDD REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDD!!! The announcers get it right when they say, "For once he doesn't run it back". Thank God. I was holding my breath in fear of a pitch or a return fumble. Not today however, today things seem to be going our way...
6:19
A good defensive call by the Steelers and Stover sets up to earn his ranking as the most important player in franchise history (I have never forgiven Baltimore fans for that little ESPN Poll Faux Pas by the way...) it's up and... IT'S GOOD!!! Ravens go up by six, we've got 6:02 to play in the third.
6:23
Wait... is that...? Oh my God that's A-1's music!!!!!!! Okay, so that last line was stolen from a fantasy draft blog written by Bill Simmons from the late '90s but it made me giggle. In all seriousness, that was a clutch decision by my buddy Kimmy Sue, there is so much gooey, amazingly delectable cheese on this sandwich that I am going to be more stopped up than a running lane against the Baltimore Ravens.
6:26
HE DID IT AGAIN, HE KEEPS SAYING "NAH-TAH"! Even if it's correct (I have no idea, do I look whatever nationality he is?) it makes him sound lame. Someone's looking to have their schlong smacked... Fabian Washington waves to himself as he comes up with another big stop. Good day so far by the Baltimore secondary.
6:29
I am going to be blogging and eating now. I know, shouldn't I be more worried about my blooming readership than my stomach? Well, it's this sumo-esque figure that forced me to develop the personality that is reflected in my posts to begin with, so I'm not going to forget where I came from. Oh, look at that, Heap's injured again. What did I tell you about that man at the beginning of the season? The man's made of K-Y Her Pleasure Jelly and balsa wood.
6:31
JK Todd, I <3 u.
6:32
Oh shit, that muffed punt is the sort of a fluke play that kills you in a one possession game... Here we go defense...
6:33
Alex says, "they (those bastards) get garbage like that every single game. it makes me sick".
6:35
That's the end of the third quarter... to quote Remember the Titans, "FOURTH QUARTER HAAAAA FOURTH QUARTER HAAAAA FOURTH QUARTER HAAAA!!!"
6:38
Hells yeah, we needed that fumble recovery. Hells yeah!!!
6:39
Wait, he's allowed to say, "That's a no-no by Nah-Tah" and he won't say that a play gained "Zip, zero, Ngata"? I hate Phil Simms.
6:40
Joe Flacco is going to be charged with attempted murder on Derrick Mason if he never recovers from that near-interception play. Holy Frijoles.
6:44
Alex texts: "All they have is ben. The other guys cant match up to this d. He has to try to do too much" right before they break off a 9 yard run and a long Hines Ward catch and run. Shut up Alex.
6:44
JK Alex, I <3 u.
6:47
Alex, unable to read my blog, has already rushed to his own defense by explaining that, "Frank Walker is in for Fabian Washington this drive and is covering Hines, explaining that long gain". Unfortunately, John Harbaugh has no explanation...
6:50
I'll have my readers know that I haven't finished my french fries yet (a crucial step one in enjoying A-1) and I was just very short with a girl on the phone because I am so intent on keeping you informed of what I think. You're welcome.
6:52
Kick from the other team's kicker is up... and... it's good. I think I forgot it's the fourth quarter. Baltimore up by 3, who's up for a clock eating drive of epic proportions?
6:55
Yamon Figurs just got speared like a dill pickle, that looked like it hurt. Maybe you should have just run up the field instead of trying to get around the pile... Not saying anything, I'm just saying. Hell of a catch by Mark Clayton, we needed that completion (I think they just said it was the second completion for Joe of this half).
6:57
Where is Troy Smith? I know the other writers will disagree with me, but if you got to be playing for the division with a little bit of Go-Go-Gadgetry, why do you move away from it during important games?
7:02
Here's hoping that you, my readers, didn't have anybody on your fantasy team from this game as the Ravens take a time out facing third and long. This is a big play coming up, it'd be nice to give Stover another gimme... In the meantime we see the advetisement for the Kay Jewelers commercial for the "open heart design pendant" I hate to harp on Mr. or Mrs. Kay again, but that is the ugliest bling I think I have ever seen. It looks like it has a butt at the bottom of it. It just looks like a tacky, thug letter "Z"; gentlemen don't you dare purchase this for her for Christmas.
7:04
Well, the big play results in a recovered fumble by the Ravens which puts them out of field goal range. If a sack (nevertheless a sack and a fumble) is the one thing you can't let happen; HOW DO YOU NOT HOLD ONTO THAT BALL? That's right Joe Flacco, you get on the phone with the booth upstairs, I'm disappointed in you.
7:06
My buddy Tony puts it best: "I'm scurred". Shit, T-Suggs just went off the field. No, no, no, no, no...
7:09
Phil Simms verbally fallates Big Ben and we're at the 2 minute warning...
7:12
We come back into the game to chants of "DEFENSE", the crowd is stunned but trying to do their part. Nate Washington waaaayyyyyyyy open and the Steelers call a timeout after the completion. I reiterate: No, no, no, no, no...
7:17
This one is going to come down to the zebras and, if not, a quarterback sneak by a giant quarterback... Here we go...
7:19
Another blown call against the Ravens by the officials; there is no indisputable evidence, which is the standard of proof needed to overturn a call on the field. Granted the Ravens have blown so many opportunities today, but still, this is inexcusable. Almost as inexcusable as a penalty on the normally well-disciplined Steelers on that PAT.
7:22
Midfield, 40 seconds, 2 timeouts... Here's the chance to make a legend Bazooka Joe.
7:24
I'm completely shocked it took over two hours for the first Michael Phelps reference; I'm proud of the boys in the booth.
7:25
3 yards does not equal 6 seconds, let's go guys.
7:26
I hate the Steelers so much, I just hate them. The good news is, if we can get into the playoffs I would take our chances against a team like Pittsburgh. They wouldn't be good chances, but we're not going to get blown out by anybody anymore. What's important is that we don't let the team (decided in part by bad officiating [including two fairly terrible challenge reviews]) get too down after a lost like this. This part of the schedule is too tough to put your head down.
7:28
I can't believe I am one of those people who discusses the officiating before the loss is more than five minutes old, but I am pissed off right now and my brand new laptop is looking infinitely spike-able so I have to blow off steam somehow. Now we're going to have to listen to a week's worth of coverage about how great and hard-nosed the Steelers are and how great Big Ben is in the fourth quarter. It makes me sick to my stomach.
7:32
You hear that Hines Ward? You ruined my Chicken Parm Sub you son of a bitch; I will never forgive you.
The End
7:49
I take it back, the sub was still pretty amazing. Suck it, Ward.
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