Dear Coach Harbaugh,

Hi, John.

I’m sorry I’ve not written in a while. Shoot, you probably don’t even read your old pals at www.thebaltimorons.com (tell your friends Dan got a time-consuming and excellent job and Alex is busy saving Balmer, one food vendor story at a time.)

And I don’t blame you, John. But you should blame me. I feel we’ve developed a symbiotic relationship. I’ve been writing you after every game since you became the Ravens’ head coach in 2008. Remember how it took me a few weeks to warm up to you, John?

But I warmed to you, and you me. You read my ramblings (right?), and corrected the things I suggested, and we all just generally felt better about the Balmer Ravens on Monday afternoons.

But with your success over the course of two seasons –kudos, by the way, I probably don’t tell you that enough – and the aggressive offseason in which you picked up some huge offensive puzzle pieces (Anquan Boldin and TJ Housyermama), I guess I kind of thought you didn’t really need me anymore, John.

So what happened yesterday was my fault, old friend. Don’t blame yourself, Flac, your receivers, the play-calling or the zebras. This one is squarely on The Bald Eagle’s shoulders, John. And I’m here to ask your forgiveness, try and make it up to you, and tell you why there’s no reason to be worried about yesterday’s 15-10 loss to the Cincinnati Bengals.

1) As Dan texted earlier today:

We were always goingto split that series and it was always going to be that game that would be the most difficult.

And even though the Costanza to my Seinfeld, the McNulty to my Bunk, or whatever you want to call this strange relationship, followed his assertion with our classic refrain that we hate football (we really do), he was completely correct and rational in his assessment of the game.

Before the game, I said Ravens by 17. Was I compensating because I was worried? Probably a little bit. But I also thought this Balmer team was much different than the others I’ve watched since the defense propelled them to the Super Bowl in 2000 and started its decade-long black-and-blue run.

And that was my mistake, John. The Ravens are who we thought they were, and I was a fool to think that would change. Indianapolis will always score points and win pretty. Balmer will always – always – play close games, play them ugly, and depend on defense, regardless of the offensive personnel.

As strange as it sounds, the personality the team has taken on overrides the players it has and the schemes that are put into place. And maybe it always will so long as Ray Lewis keeps his vigil at middle linebacker. That’s not a bad thing, John, but I’m a little embarrassed to admit I thought everything was about to change.

So of course Balmer was always going to lose to the Bengals, John. On a short week, after an emotionally-charged Monday night opener? Against a team that the Ravens have struggled against perennially, regardless of how strong the team is? Against another former Raven defensive coordinator-turned head coach?

The Bengals play Balmer tough; the Ravens lead the all-time series 15-14, but Cincinnati’s gone 9-4 against Balmer since Carson Palmer’s first season as starter in 2004.

Not that Carson’s always been the problem, John, because he wasn’t really yesterday. Marvin Lewis has built a fast team that can play up to the Raven tempo, and Flac seems to have developed a complex when it comes to facing Lewis's and Mike Zimmer's defense. After beating them twice in his rookie year, Flac’s gone 0-3 and thrown eight interceptions to players in orange and black.

That accounts for more than one-quarter of his interceptions thrown in the NFL. In three games.

So tell me, John, how did you ever really have a chance to win that game? Split the series by winning in Balmer, like Dan alludes to, and then hope you don’t see those ugly-ass uniforms again in the playoffs. Marvin and the Bengals have your number.

2) The offensive woes don’t stop with Flac, who probably still played the worst game of his young career.

Housh dropped several catchable balls. Other receivers, many replays showed, were completely blanketed by the Cincinnati secondary.

Flac didn’t look to both sides of the field on occasion, but those plays were supposed to be quick hitters that got the ball out his hand and into that of his playmakers. In a three-step drop, if that first guy’s not open, Flac’s not been decisive through two games in this season.

But after two games of what seems like similar decision-making problems, Flac’s got to be aware that dancing in a collapsing pocket and throwing off his back foot on a prayer isn’t going to work.

But then again, how are these talented receivers not getting open off the ball? 

It’s just not all on Flac. The absence of Ray Rice in the passing game was puzzling, and the lack of a commitment to the ground game in general was even more confusing in a game decided by five points.

The Ravens have three running backs who have had success in this league. One of them is top-five player at his position, or better.

It’s early in the season, and I understand the school of thought that you don’t crush your running back with carries in September. But when the running game is a three-headed monster, I’m not sure that school ought to be in session.

3) I’m OK with Ray Lewis going off on the officials after the game. I really am.

Ray’s been around. I don’t need him to be politically correct and I don’t want him to be politically correct. Did he do anythingexcept make himself the target of a league fine? Probably not. But his points were reasoned, lucid and – in my opinion – correct.

Officiating, umpiring and refereeing is imperfect in every sport. Human error is a huge part of the process. Mistakes will be made. Judgment calls will leave you scratching your head. The officials are an easy target and a worn-out storyline.

But if the man needed to go off – and he did – wouldn’t you rather him go off on the zebras and create that Raven-esque, us-against-the-world mentality the team was robbed of after an offseason of high expectations?

I mean, you wouldn’t want him going off on your offense instead, would you John? Because, as usual, Ray’s defense certainly held up their part ofthe bargain.

4) Speaking of that defense: The secondary has been remarkably effective this season, John. And it’s only getting healthier.

Lardarius Webb was back on the field in some nickel situations yesterday. Meanwhile, Fabian Washington is playing like it’s 2008, when he was the Ravens’ best cornerback, and Chris Carr and Josh Wilson are holding their own. Tom Zbikowski has been steady, and Dawan Landry is all over the field.

What was supposed to be a major weakness for Balmer in 2010 hasn’t hurt the team yet. And Ed Reed is only a few weeks from making his way back onto the field, at the very least in a part-time role.

What was thought to be the strength of this team – the offense – has been hurting your Ravens, John. Is the secondary as good as it’s played through two games? Maybe not. But the offense definitely isn’t as bad it’s looked, so there’s plenty of reason to believe things will get better rather than worse.

5) Finally, John, bravo on the Billy Cundiff pick. Ever since that game-winner versus Pittsburgh, I’ve trusted him. And his kickoffs have been an enormous boon for a team that has struggled in recent years covering kicks. That was fully exhibited yesterday.

I’m not anointing Cundiff the title of long-term answer to the kicking game, and I can’t imagine ever having the confidence in him that I had in Matt Stover. But I certainly feel better than I did this time last year.

On a team that once again looks like it’s going to be playing a lot of close games, it’s good to have a kicker who seems like he can be trusted.

See, John? You’re OK. We’re all OK. The New York Jets drubbed the New England Patriots by two touchdowns yesterday. The Pats beat the Bengals by two touchdowns the previous weekend.

What does it all mean?

It means we’re in week two, John. So listen up, and make sure you share this with anyone who tries to give you crap this week.

In the words of John Stewart, take it down a notch. We’re going to be OK.

Your pal,

ap

... after all, wouldn't want to strain anything.

As I type the United States is down 1-0 to Ghana less than 25 minutes into their round of 16 World Cup soccer match. In a tournament being played in South Africa, Ghana is the last African country playing.

Not to be selfish, but I'd appreciate it if the Yanks pull this one out. NFL Training Camp is still too far away.

...

I'm pleased that O's right fielder Nick Markakis has taken more of a vocal leadership role, at least publicly, in the last week. First, he provides a critical but not offensive interview regarding his team to The Baltimore Sun.

Then, Nicko requests a meeting with Balmer owner Peter Angelos. The two reportedly talked over dinner in Little Italy.

I know it probably doesn't mean anything tangible, but it's nice to see that someone on Eutaw Street actually gives a damn about the direction of this team. Nicko probably only signed that 6-year, $66.5 million contract with the Birds because he knew he was worth well more to them than any other team in an open market, but now that he's locked in, I'm glad he's having conversations with ownership about improving the performance of the team, rather than demanding a trade to a contender.

...

The signing of backup quarterback Marc Bulger by the Balmer Ravens was excellent. Seriously. But only if Ozzie can find a team willing to give up draft picks for former Heisman Trophy winner Troy Smith.

Last season showed that the brief experimentation in 2008 with the "Suggs Package," where Smith and Joe Flacco were both on the field, wasn't going to play a large role in the team's offensive future. The Ravens want Flacco to be the one taking all the snaps, because he's the one that can make the most happen with the ball in his hands every single play. They want Flac to be like Manning or Brady. And you don't take snaps away from Manning or Brady.

Even if Smith only fetches a late-round pick, Ozzie can find value there in 2011.

...

For my fellow UMBC alums, are you aware that the school changed its mascot logo back in May? I know, I know, not exactly breaking news ... but I've been wondering what folks' thoughts are. I kind of like it. From umbcretrievers.com: 

What do you think? Is it an improvement? Or a terrible mistake?

Either way, the Retrievers will need to stick with this thing for a while. It's only been ten years since their last logo change, and having a schizophrenic mascot isn't exactly a good thing for a program's image.

...

At the half, the US is still down 1-0 to Ghana, and has looked pretty weak so far.

How many days until Training Camp?

The story: Brian Cushing cheated.  He came up dirty on a blood test for some fertility chemical called hCG which is commonly used to mask some of the physical side effects of steroid use and is often taken after someone completes a cycle of performance enhancing drugs.  He failed the test in September but was allowed to continue playing throughout the appeals process and thus is suspended for the first four games of the upcoming season.  Regardless of how it got in his blood stream (because, of course, he’s completely dumbfounded by the whole ordeal), he played while being chemically influenced by a banned substance and, therefore, cheated.  He was caught, both the individual himself and the team he represents will suffer fairly significant consequences; everything is fine.

The problem that makes this a bigger story: he was awarded the Defensive Rookie of the Year award by the Associated Press.  Whoops… A group of journalists voted for a cheater to receive a relatively prestigious award because no one had broken the story that had unfolded months prior.  It’s fine though, no one should have ever thought to continue to pursue allegations that have followed him since high school.  No really, it’s totally cool; we all know how those sports writers like to hero-worship any white dudes who excel at a position contemporarily dominated by black players (read: Brian Urlacher).  Fans do it too (read: Baltimore’s reaction to last season’s repeated benching of Paul Kruger).  There’s a simple solution: do what old white guys gathered together always do: give yourselves a mulligan and vote for someone else WHO DIDN’T CHEAT.

The bigger problem that makes me sick: they re-voted and he won again.  What the hell, Associated Press?  Where’s the feigned morale outrage about the state of sports in America?  If this shit happened in baseball we’d be sitting through hours of Special Reports with their own theme music and all the pseudo-journalists would be forced to give up their air time to real writers (Enjoy the day off Mr. Berman!) talking about how their daddy’s NFL players would never disrespect the shield like kids today.  They did what they did for the love of the game (Author’s Note: And a weekly income comparable to that of a part-time migrant fruit picker).

HE CHEATED.  BRIAN CUSHING IS A CHEATER.  There is a legal way to participate in the sport of football and he did not participate in said way.  HE F***ING CHEATED, why is he allowed to keep anything related to his performance when it wasn’t entirely his performance?  The winners of the Defensive Rookie of the Year award for the past three years have been: (in order) DeMeco Ryans, Patrick Willis, and Jerod Mayo.  All three of these men are heralded as the next great linebackers in the NFL, and all have, at various times, been talked about as the next Ray Lewis.  Brian Cushing on the other hand, has more in common right now with the 2005 winner, Maryland’s own Shawne Merriman, who also has served a four game suspension for violating the substance policy.

Some bloggers have rushed to Cushing’s defense citing his natural instincts and feel for the game.  It’s a hell of a lot easier to act on those instincts in a bigger, faster manner when you are chemically enhanced.  Speaking of faster; remember how rookies often have trouble getting acclimated to the speed of the pro game?  Not Brian Cushing+ (Now with more fertility chemicals)!  He has been able to train his body to stay focused and reactive long after everyone else on the field has tired out.  Other rookies have trouble adjusting to longer, harder seasons?  He plays for the Houston Texans so it’s not like he has to worry about playoffs, but even if he did; BC++ is ready to go!

So why did this happen?  Let’s take Cushing’s own words:

“There are a lot of different options for how it can get into a male’s body. Personally, I know that I didn’t ingest or inject anything, and the fact that my options were that I was either injecting or I had a tumor, as I was told by some sources, I played the whole season thinking I had tumors”.    

It’s time to back down from this defense there kid, because, unless you make with the tumors, you are going to come off looking like a complete and utter jackass to every sports fan in America.  Really?  You thought you might have a tumor?  Have some doctors run some tests with OVER TEN MILLION DOLLARS the Texans guaranteed you back before you embarrassed their franchise.  Create some sort of a paper trail showing you were concerned for your life because when you failed the test IN SEPTEMBER you had to have known someone was going to ask a question sooner or later.

It’s the same thing with anyone who tests positive for a drug and claims that it must have been a supplement tainted with something illegal: SUE THE MANUFACTURER.  Sue them for all they’re worth and profess, in a court of law, that you are the innocent victim and they are the scumbags.  Your silence tells us all we need to know about the shame you cheaters have never learned to properly articulate.  Our loyal readers know that I don’t use CAPITAL LETTERS as a form of EMPHASIS very often; this whole thing pisses me off to no end.

Hell, what does it matter?  To paraphrase Zak’s thoughts: “I just don’t care anymore; if I worried about every cheater I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the game in general”.

Damn you Brian Cushing, you cheating bastard.  How dare you put me in a position where Zak actually makes sense…

Oh yeah…  Brian, if you actually do have a tumor: my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family through this difficult time.  Whoops.